the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
