take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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