She said her name was "party"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
