I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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