where am i from again
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
