your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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