I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize