did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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