Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
