Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
