so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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