Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
