I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
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i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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