FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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