We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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