Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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