this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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