There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
