OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
