you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
