Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
