i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
