now i know why i became what i already was.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
