I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
