mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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