I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
