ya dads aren't the best wingmen
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
