a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
