love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
