it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
