i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
