..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
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You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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