Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
