you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
