My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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