I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
