32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
