Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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