My liver just broke up with me...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
