Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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