Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Randomize
