Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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