Will you blow on my dice?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
