so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
