the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
