the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
