well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
