I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
