Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
