Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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