Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
