Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
