Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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