Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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