I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
