you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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