The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
