Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
