her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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