so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
