I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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