I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
