She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my sisters under your porch take her home
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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