I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
