you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
