There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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