Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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