Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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