hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
