definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
