paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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