she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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