I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
