FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
