I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
