I got chris browned last night
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
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You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
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We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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