i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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