if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
