The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
