I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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